Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Weight Gain and Lifting Really Heavy Shit: Francis Begbie Style!

Ever since I've been a wee bairn, I've always admired the strength and the power of men like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. These guys were heroes to me, legends, even though Kindergarden Cop is literally the most horrible flick that ain't a Jim Sheridan IS DADDY coming home one. But I was weak, stupid. Girls didn't like that, apparently, I was told ad nauseum. Weightlifting is prole, the fat bastard once said! You know those cunts? Them fellas be on the hormones and they have little cocks like Terrys Chocolate Oranges! Don't weightlift cause no one likes eh balloon man!

Well, enough is enough.

I've been lifting weights on and off for a little bit over a year now and although I've done okish, I want to do better,much better. Basically I'm around the Brad Pitt Fight Club level: lean as shit but still really fucking skinny, bordering on underweight even. I'm not particularly strong: my dead-lift is just shy of 180 pounds. Must, definitely work harder, smarter, and outright funkier.

So, I propose a new workout plan. It is not a particularly original and it ain't going to be revolutionizing the fitness world, but it is grounded in the thoughts and ideas of three very strong, very reliable people. And but so, here is how shits going to play out.

Diet: This is a direct rip off of Jamie Lewis's Chaos and Pain (link is NSFW) Apex Predator Diet and Danger and Play style juicing. Incredible blog btw, thay Jamie Lewis one. Well written, funny, well researched with great advice. The pre 2009 Roissy weightlifting equivalent if you want an apt comparison. I'll link to the diet, and I'm going to make a few minor alterations, but the main concepts will be adhered to rigorously.

First: I like cheese. The smellier that shit is, the more the eyes will be popping out of the old skull. Must have been a cheese eating stinking le surrender pussy in a previous life. Being Irish I also have the gut for it, wee Franco be free of the aul lactose shitteridoos dontcha know fuckos! Plus, cheese is packed full of protein (26 grams per 100gs!) and fat, and no carbohydrates, so you can achive ketosis on it no bother. It's going in the diet basically, despite not being in Lewis's routine and despite not being paleo or whatever. I'll write a quite summary of ketogenic diets later on, but now, you just have to trust me.

Second, protein shakes are expensive, and vegetables, green ones in particular are very good for you and just shit hot in general. So, where Lewis has five protein shakes, I'll have two shakes and maybe two Danger and Play recipe juices, but without stuff with a lot of carbohydrates in it. Sayonara to monkeybells!

Sides that, it's exactly the same. Three hour rampage. Two meals, one big and small with a lot of meat there. Oh and Lewis doesn't say much about eggs and nuts. I'll throw them in as well. 600-800 calories for the small meal and 2000-4000 for the big meal fucker.

Workout regime: I'm directly stealing Fresh Fly and Young's one.  Again, like Lewis, it won't be exactly like this, but the logic is the same. You'll find it below:


Bent over barbell rows 8,5,5,3
Dumbbell rows 8,5,3
Pull downs or pull ups 8,5,3 if doing pull ups 3 sets till failure
Dead Lifts 8,5,5


Incline bench press 8,5,5,3 following week switch to dumbbells
Dumbbell bench press 8,5,5,3 next week regular bench
Dips 8,5,5
Cable crosses 8,5,5

Wednesday- Legs

Squats 12,8,5,5,3
Bent over stiff leg for hamstrings 8,5,3
Leg extension 12,8,6
Leg curls 12,8,6
Calf raises 12,12,12
Weighted box jumps  8,8,8 (with 55lbs barbell on shoulders)
One leg press 8,8,8 or lunges with dumbbell


Standing barbell press 8,5,5,3 next week seated dumbbell
Seated dumbbell side raises 8,8,8 next week standing with cables
Bent over rear dumbbell raises 8,8,8
Barbell front raises 8,8,8

Friday- Arms

Tricep  pull downs on lat cable machine  alternating elbows out away from your body and elbows close to. 12,10,8
Dips 10,10,10
Rope pull downs 10,10,10
Barbell bicep curls 5,5,5,5
Alternating dumbbell curls 10,8
Rope curls two sets till failure

I supplement with Vitamin D, Fish Oil and Liver Tabs. It's amazing how affordable this stuff is when you do something like give up video games. 

So, that's the plan. I start tomorrow. Currently I weigh 160 pounds. On Feb 1st I'll give yous and update how I'd be doing. Otherwise, well good luck to yous and we'll see what happens. Any advice would of course, be welcome.

Lift a lot. Eat a lot. Shit isn't rocket science.


  1. Being a much more compound-lift oriented person, I'd also recommend FFY's wave loading post as well. At the very least, add in an extra dead lift every other week at the end of legs day and attack what you're weakest at. At 160(+) you could easily hit 320 by midyear, and heavy deadlifting is like wisdom and virtue, one of those true intrinsically good things.

    1. That might not be a bad idea actually, especially considering I suck at it. Excellent stuff. Two deadlifts a week wouldn't fuck up your back though?

      Still, the Bulgarian weightlifting team lift eight+hours a day, so none of that stuff is impossible to say the least.

      Do you have a routine or are you doing FFY's one?

  2. Alternate between two weeks, one week you deadlift once and the other you deadlift twice. If you make sure your form is good you won't hurt your back, and instead your lower back becomes hard as rock. I'm currently rehabbing a knee after surgery, but that was from playing rugby on a bruised hip and then overcompensating with the other side.

    I've bounced from stronglifts 5x5 to a 3x5 to this program, which is what I was doing before my injury.

    heavy squats
    heavy bench
    barbell rows (work up to sets of 6-8)
    handstand shoulder ups (use a wall to support legs)

    power cleans
    heavy overhead press
    heavy deadlift

    heavy squats
    overhead press (work up to sets of 6-8)
    power cleans
    muscle-ups (dead hang pullups if these are too hard)

    front squats (only if week 1)
    heavy rows
    bench (work up to sets of 6/8)
    dips (weighted if you can do more than 20)
    deadlift (only if week 2; work up to sets up 4-6)

    The problem with following a set-in-stone schedule is that your body kind of learns what to expect, which is why I like the idea of wave loading. But essentially, you want to get all of the above into your week, but when you do what is up to you and is based on experience. You want a healthy mix of heavy and medium-rep days for any given exercise, and at the end of every day you can add in some cardio/pushups/pullups/dips to suit your needs. Before I hurt my knee, I was at 170 and pretty well past 1x bodyweight for bench, 1.5x bodyweight squat, and 2x bodyweight for deadlift. It can get you ripped but you need to really watch what you eat (this is something I've always struggled with).

    That said I'm not a pro at this stuff, basically I believe that with a strong strength foundation you can do whatever you want as long as you see results while still challenging yourself. After I'm cleared to lift again I will start with the 5x5 program for a few months then move on to something like the above. Happy lifting.