Saturday, 20 April 2013

So What's On T.V?

Click, spin, zap, flip. T.V Party at the moment ken. Join us if you're not up to much. Lackadaisical, laid back, cannot bear the brunt of the Cathedral, slumped Franco, the lady with the prolapsed face reading the news, can in hand, chugging that shite, Lucky Strike smoke gently filling the room. The Boston bombings are covered again. Explosions, police, houseboat, falseflag, Chechen, Muslim. Some news on President Jackarse hilariously giving the whole crocodile tears thing because the narcissistic piece of shit that he is, amygdala having a jimmy, oh no, my utter failure as a president, my attempt to make a fucken holly rolly out of the First Amendment, a turd in a fishbowl ken, etc etc, going to be in the fucken horrors ken in the morning but the amount of a fuck given is literally in the essence of Tong here. I sigh. Lad and lassie gasp and go awe for a bit. Rapacious, hapless Obamey is there saying shit as I let the smoke drift out through my nostrils. Next bit of news. Rapes. Murders. House fires. RTE News. Prime Time. Evil doctors not treating this Indian lassie in a hospital which leads to her death. The darkness, the malevolence of dirty street corners, the sinister music, the aberdian beside me kept quiet. More oohs and ahhs en esss en aw.

Waste of time ken.

The news. The current affairs of the day. The kind of stuff that a plethora of cunts want to be yapping on and on about to get that crystal f-r-e-s-h, that gooey warmth filling up inside them right to the tip a top ken. Midwits go wild. Guardian articles are analysed and opinions are rigorously examined. A cunt yappers and the world is still spinning last time I saw.

It's entertainment, that's all it is. The news? PAH. RTE in particular loves to pull the sad panda sentimentality card to draw in viewers. The production. The fancy computer graphs and all dem flashy graphs. Fuck man, is this news or is this entertainment? Am I not watching the same crass and rueful entertainment under the knowledge of being the smartiest, smarmiest cunt in the whole pub? We see all but one side of the story. The world is a Fibonacci spiral ken, the relationship of much social intercourse and a billion and one to the power of different variables. A young pup, still wet behind the ears will syphon all this complicated news into a stream of words and flashy images to put on a page. Chris Morris wasn't off by much ken. I watch on. More death. More murder. More rape. More fucken Prime Time, jesus tittyfuckenchrist I hate Prime Time. It's all sensationalism to make a cunt feel like Ireland is the worst place in the worlde. A feature on de evil Irish racists. Sigh.

There is much good in the world. Yes, the women of today aren't as good as your grannys (they were hardly saints either though) generation. Yes, if you're under 35, your ass has been handed to you on a platter by a generation of bumbling dopes. All the exhibilation in the world is one hundred percent justified. Yes, we're heading into a dark, smelly shitstorm. Yes, I'm a cynical cunt and this blog will more than likely be host to many a post in this vein. But, there is much good in this world ken. The Lord of the Rings still remains the best story on good and evil ever written. The bit where that goofy looking hirsute motherfucker goes to the small fellah after the small fellah goes "I wish the ring never came to me goofy looking motherfucker" and the goofy looking motherfucker replies "so do all who live through such times" and it's really inspiring ken. I'm starting to give up on The Cathedral. When one's life is one fucken Office Space remake after the other, the swank and spit and polish of your own cubicle simply disnae hold up. A cunt has to get his hands dirty sometime.

So anyways, I'm fucking HAMMERS right now. But the point still stands. You watch the news and you'll think that there's nothing but shite and onions in the world and you'll act accordingly. You never see the good things, the little moments ken. Good news is no news ken. So smile motherfucker, smile. You don't need to be sucked under the umbrella of being "informed". You really don't, because you are not being informed. You are watching selected, altered chunks of information that don't reflect reality. Dummys on springs, that's all it is.

So switch off ken. Stop watching the news. It's healthier for you. Do something with yourself.

Switch off ken.

At least, if you've nothing else to do, watch fucken Game of Thrones ken. If only for dem titties en aw!


  1. Unfortunately, sensationalism and hyperbole sells papers and garners viewing figures. And I'm there is some agenda to make people feel that the world out there is so scary, that they turn to the government for protection from the perceived ills of society.

    I can't stand mainstream TV. I have the Sky Plus set up to record my favourite shows (MasterChef, Grand Designs - yeah so I'm an old bugger), and other than that I just read blogs.

    1. I think I'm going to just stop watching T.V. At least with a videogame like Fifa, it was just a timewaster and nothing more. But this stuff fucken changes your perception on things, free of your own experiences and statistics and not in a good way ken.

      Brass Eye by Chris Morris is a great example of this. The episode Paedogeddon is a great bit of satire on child molestation hysteria. It's also incredibly funny.

  2. Fuck brother, why aren't you writing a book?

    1. Haha, thank you for the compliment Bill. Amount of good books written by a 22 year old you can count with your fingers. Experience is what good books are made of. Yous should get writing en aw.

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