Friday, 24 May 2013
I Care Because You Do
She called them her candies. The little wooden drawer that is slightly too small for the holding, requiring that extra tug pull and push, neahhhhhh, gots it out now, all these grey, sterile looking packets with unpronounceable names printed on de side. This one is for serotonin levels. This one is for panic attacks. This one has an effect on the beta receptors in the brain en aw. Quite the cocktail ken. A big glass of water. Today is Tuesday. Swallow. Hazy. Feel fuzzy. The pink pills today. A pint of the black stuff and shes knocked sideways, slurring her words like Shane McGowen. Water retention is a problem apparently. Intransigent lassie, sans the candies.
We called him the Old FuckingCunt, but you knows, in an affectionate loving manner. He's ridiculous though, like, this lad roysh, real Boxer from Animal Farm stuff, in terms of vigor, fucking 60 and still deadlifting 360 pounds. Marvelous ken. It's like the man has been frozen in a time capsule or something, dinnae look sixty does he the cunt? Us younger cunts, we look on at this man stepping up to the iron, arse down, shoulders pack, not pulling or rounded back like so many of the firsties do, but just perfect. Motherfucker. Is he on de juice, well who the fuck knows ken? One of the great things about lifting weights is that it makes one cognizant, almost eerily so, of the vicissitudes that come with the simple push and pull, wear and tear that is aging. Rather than being something to take in its stride, a cunt worries about the day when he is invisible to aw, when the hot lass in ovulation looks at you and fucken thinks "Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!" and scoffs and chortles and laughs and pirouettes into the arms of the Hells Angels lad with the spongy face and the smelly tattoo, or Super Awesome Francis Begbie (TM). You will not always be this strong. You will not always be this fit. You will not always be like this. You will not always be able to ride a lassie up the arse five times in one night. That is the single greatest thing about the gym. It is not the extra health, or the extra confidence. It is wisdom without being told it, that every dog has his day, and then, every dog must step down because biology is biology, and like Old Yeller, have a happy time with Mr Double Barrley Shotgun. I sees it in Facebook photos. Lads my age with beer bellies and blotchy skin. Eh sure, I'm young and I'll burn it off quickly! Seriously, fuck hyperbolic discounting!
The most important thing in your life. The life of a family man, wanting to set a good example for his child and his wife. The sententious irascible player, dressed in the most ostentatious manner possible. The tentative beta male with his hand in his pockets, job, grey, expanding waistline all gone. You need your health to do all of this ken. Money is great sure, so is knowledge, but to not be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor because you dinnae treat your body with the respect that it deserves and suddenly yous are popping back pills like nay cunts business is something else altogether. Reading intae Cappy Cap's Smitten Western plan certainly has the appealing aspect of it, in that fuck it fellas, if yous are physically incapable of working, mentally, physically, whatever the shite, then what fun is there in there lad? Hunter S Thompson had the idea nailed down, and hell, that cunt had the fucking gall to have his ashes shot out of a cannon.When I die, my funeral is going to have elephants and belly dancers. No more grim shite. But I intend to go healthy. Juicing, vitamin d, leangains, fuck it, I'll be splitting wood in the fucken coffin. You watch it ken.
Everything comes from health ken. That be obvious. It is more important an investment than your portfolio, your pussy, your shelf of literature. So invest in it. Pill poppers with diabetes, dead people singing in caskets, this is your future and it is in your hands and nae cunt be responsible for any of it dinnae yes know.
So, this is a toast to lads like Old Fucker, (and have you seen Old Fucker's wife? Fucking Stifler's Mom shit with her, very inviting arse) that make us realize the obvious, but something we are all too willing to ignore. The demons are indeed coming, and they will win oh yes, and more than that, they probably should be allowed to, but in the meantime, to invest in it, to make goddamn sure they are in the background right up and up to that final rush, is something that is well within your power ken.
Postscript: Is anyone really worried about the fact that so many people are so self reliant on the pharmaceutical industry? If there was to say, be a shock to the economy in someway what would happen to all of the people on antidepressants, insulin, a myriad toxic medical cocktails? Happy times ken. Men need freedom and medicine ain't freedom.