Friday, 4 October 2013
Taking it personally, fangs out, mouth drooling, taken it to the core, cutting deep and fat, that hidden, elusive pain, tentatively squawking, the sad fiend with the one thousand yard cubicle look, but everything is fine, the cunt sings and mutters to himself. It is like the neoclassical nutshits always go on and on about, yous are in equilibrium and everything is fucken gravy. But it isn't. Instability is beautiful ken, chaos is king.
When I was a wee lad, I was a cunt. A grade a, head honcho, top of the top, cream of the crop dipshit. I was always going this way and that way, a function that was undefined, scared, angry cold. So much stuff was going wrong for the cunt, but I never ever tried to step out of my shell. The ego has a big part to play in this shitstorm and I still bes having trouble with all of it, but self improvement is a long and funny road full of different minima and maxima.
Here's how it happened. I tied up my ego, how I defined myself, with my intelligence. Lifting weights? Making sure you are not a completely twatty aspergery fucktard when it comes to talking to other people? Nah, I never did any of that, because I had tied my ego up with, (a) "well at least I'm smart" and (b) "I want to look like the smartest, most precocious motherfucker in the room." This leads to enormous damage, both in the short term and long term. Your ego is like that thinnest of ice, with big metal boots a morbidly obese hogfuck jumps up and down and the water there is oh so very cold ken. Suddenly, that tough maths test looms ahead. Yous don't want to study for it because you don't want to hurt yourself by conceptualizing the idea of being the dumbass. So, you leave it be, and brush it off due to laziness. You resent the athletic cunt who is fucken Don Juan with the lassies, and say "well he's a meathead/frattwat etc. This goes on and on, until people life in their own, suffocating rooms, slowly running out of air, recycled garbage in out and shit, my face is turning blue.
Perhaps destroying the ego is the wrong phase to use, but yous need to put yourself out there. This is, quite possibly, the most important aspect to self improvement, in theory. It's essentially a fancy cunt way of saying there are male rationalization hamsters out there, but this beast isn't the fucking Godzilla stamping shit into the ground one, it is the king nidge weasel, the snake, the one that lies below.
You need to challenge yourself, make that ice as thick as possible. So, you says to yourself, yous are strong. Get into the gym and feel the shame that a lassie half your size is benching twice as much as you. Break open a book on abstract algebra and realize just because you read the guardian, you are not that smart, appreciate the power of truly great minds, and come to the conclusion that true intellectual rigor takes time and mastery. Get your arse into a boxing club, come to the conclusion that some cunt decks you and yous are only physically strong enough to give him the bitchslap of his life, or even that. It's not pretty to gaze into that abyss and realize, you a broken, weak, shit. The only way out of the maze is to fuck Darwinism sideways ken.
What also ties in with this is the payoff, the consequences in relation to failure. This is an interesting one. How much will you lose if you fail? What is your payoff? Where are we going and what is the point?
It's kind of funny how such a problem has manifested itself in society. Bryce wrote a great post about the trauma in education. I would agree, and will throw in my own little corollary here: Education, all the way from primary to university level, is built on this. Education builds up intellectual buffers for many people (oh just be yourself, its ok to be weak, lets all get along), so instead of genuine, healthy self improvement, people engage in risky, sad, ugly, stupid behavior so they won't experience that deep, inner pain. Modernity has done this: It has veneered over everything, so the colors have faded, the dance is dull, a paradox, a sort of visceral boredom. This is an exponent of leftism. It's a self perpetuating cycle. Egos and mass delusions are pumped full of sewage, people rationalize, no one is challenged, the truth resides in little ponds, and the world drowns in these pretty little lies. How does a fat cunt feminist face up to her vapid, useless, cold existence?
You break down the ego. You increase your ability to feel intense pain.Yous build yourself up from the bottom up. And until yous do that, nothing, no amount of manosphere blogs will save yous.