Thursday, 15 May 2014

How to Study for Exams: Part One

So it’s a nice April day with the aul sun splitting the stones. The lassies are out in nice dresses, the fatties look like flaky hot dogs, and yous are sitting down, ah the results, sure be no bother, clickey click, get ready to go to a nightclub and fail with some lassiebum.

Then you realize you failed 80 percent of your exams and you’ve fallen into the academic slurry tank, the land of arseholes in fishnets who pretend to feel sympathy for a cunt, but in fact have internal somersaults of BE DOING BETTER THAN DAT CUNT, cause they define themselves not internally, but through external objects, just has having a degree from Trinity university goys.So, two weeks of brutal study and I passed everything. This was not because I be a smart cunt, this is because I completely changed my approach to studying a topic. This is going to be in two parts. Part one is the practical shite that a lad be needing. Part two is the psychological stuff, which is just as important, but enough about that. This I read in one of Roosh’s recent posts, so I’m combining this with some of my own stuff.

First of all, you want to break up study into two main parts, the study part and the break part.
You will study for one hour at a time, no longer and no shorter. Any longer and your brain gets fried. Any shorter and yous don’t get that much done, and it becomes harder to study because your brain doesn’t have much of an objective. When you say to yourself, “an hour, no matter what” your brain will force on for that hour. This is crucial. Even if you’re trying to figure out a complex maths problem and just about figure it out with half a minute to go and will need another five minutes of work, do not study anymore. Once the hour mark is done, get up and then you’re on a break for 15 minutes. For these 15 minutes, you will not go on the computer. You will not listen to music. You will not talk to your mates. You will get out the door and you will walk briskly for 15 minutes. The point of this is threefold. First, your brain is getting cleared up, a zap of energy from the exercise/not concentrating on the work. Second, your brain is subconsciously working through material so if you were on that maths problem on minute 59, there’s a great chance you will figure it out as you check out the lass with the hot ass in class. Third, walking is interesting enough that it’s a good break from study, but at the same time it’s boring enough that you’re less likely to go on massive 50 minute walks, like say watching an episode of Breaking Bad for example.

Next, despite how tempted you might be, stay away from energy drinks and coffee. The stuff works brilliantly for a short period of time, but then the shit hits you and then a cunt is in zombieland, staring madly at the book en aw with not even a fucking word going in. Drink water and nothing but water. Water will not give yous a caffeine buzz, but it will keep you consistently awake, focused for a long duration of time. Food and exercise tends to be a bit different. If you have time, then you should be eating a paleoish diet/lifting weights and running, but if you don’t have the time, temporarily, drop all of it like a ton of bricks ken. In terms of food, stay away from fast food, heavy Chinese food, noodles, etc. Go for rice, bread rolls, salads, packs of chicken, tuna in brine, that kind of thing ken. 

Third, don’t just look blankly at the book. Write everything down. Summarize material. Go through the problem by yourself with a pencil and a bit of paper. It may be slow, but it will get yous pretty far in the end like. Another tip is to be twisty. Reverse engineer questions is what lectures like to do. Something goes up from your derivation of a second order difference equation. What if that shit goes down? This question wasn’t asked to yous, but lecturers like to ask the down part, and if you practise that part of the question, then it’s all jelly donuts from there on in. 

Fourth, some of them university textbooks cost more money than de crack cocaine. Go to lib.freescience and get yourself a free pdf shelf of books. University, even in STEM/Matsie fields, can be a scam and a half. Fuck these lads. It also saves yous the bollocks of picking up books and tossing them around the place and library bullshit and whatnot. 

Think a cunt will stop there for nowt.

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Happy Bastards

Surreal as a donkey with two arses ken, the past few weeks en aw. To cut down an incredibly uninteresting story into tiny, choppy little pieces of nonsense, I got onto a masters course, failed 80 percent of it, had to repeat this 80 percent and managed to pass everything. I'm a freak, the poxiest feckin student ever to make it onto that program, but somehow, despite it all, I'm still here and things are on track right now. Hey, if nothing else, it gives a cunt a bit to discuss, I've got a couple of how to study like a mothefucker posts lined up in a bit, cause in my case anyway, there's a particular, messy, scatterbrain but correct and efficient way to study, especially when the horrible looming cunt Bayes Bollocks is breathing down your neck and willing to put something nasty up your bum. Oh, and having to repeat 80 percent of your course in two weeks doesn't help either.

So the thing is, I'm happy as shite right now. The past few days I've been coasting along, walking on sunshite, seeing smiles, giggles on the face of the lassie, the wrath of the iron. Dublin continues its descent into socialistic nonsense and ugly squalor with that smarmy prick Paul Murphy, gay little bastard, plastered over every inch of the capital en aw. Drives a lad to the loony bin.

A cunt is twatty sure, used to be, or at least was when I started the blog en aw. I picked the name Francis Begbie and the name The Soul is Not a Smithy because I was angry, bitter, nonplussed. I was getting well worn dog pooed on the carpet cougar bum, not the Eastern European lassie, and blamed everyone else for this. I was doing a course I despise and had left be a broken cunt. Essentially, it was just a pint of bitter, a collection of vitriolic rants from a loser. I've never ever tried to pass myself off (or at least I hope not) as someone else. I'm closer to Leonard from The Big Bang Theory rather than some mad player lad in all fairness, but that leads into something big, and its a big part of game or even things in general. Some of these earlier posts are embarrassing man.

I've been on fire. The happiness ken. The rantings and ravings of a loony toones cunts. It seeps out through every pore, you are a virus and everyone wants to get infected. Get talking to a lassie on a dopamine buzz and suddenly your social skills hit fecking Warp Nine level, and people start lining themselves up with you. Suddenly you are the prize ken.

So what be the craic here? Well, right now before things take a Jimmy NcNulty and I'm back with more feck off posts, I'd like to think I learned a couple of things from the past few weeks.

First, yous need to destroy your ego, or at least be aware of ego traps. The problem with ego is that it tends to repackage itself in novel and increasingly obfuscating ways, so by coming to one realization, you end up missing the bigger, faster, deeper stronger stuff underneath the whole sorry affair. Having something like Frost's post on an std, or by failing a massive chunk of a course will do that to a cunt and just fuck with your head in a million and one different ways.

Second, a lad has to be careful with the stuff on blogs like this. You know what makes yous a knob of a human being? Feeling depressed. Girls pick up on it, lads do as well. Sometimes a lad or lassie can find himself in the doldrums and then its like a big jenga thing where yous just end up alienating every mad lad around yous en aw.

So yeah, for the first time in a bit, things are coming up Franco. Some more posts wrapping up what academia is like, some how to study for university stuff maybe, and then prepare to get the fuck out of Ireland en aw, cause Ireland be the wanker that farts on a lads balls.

Oh, and yeah, apologies to not replying to comments and wes be away. Good luck lads!